


The Umbrella Adventure Academy Zone

by Kellwithit



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Animal Death, Campaign: Balance (The Adventure Zone), Crossover, Gen, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 06:53:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28595772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kellwithit/pseuds/Kellwithit
Summary: After Vanya blows up the moon, Number Five attempts to take all of his siblings back in time to prevent the apocalypse. But instead of scattering them in the 1960s, Five accidentally transports them to a different dimension: the world of The Adventure Zone: Balance. The Hargreeves family now has to find each other in an unfamiliar world. Fortunately for them, they're not the only heroes in this story.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24





	1. Five's Arrival

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I've ever written and it's taking some courage to post but please let me know what you think! This essentially started because I was thinking about the drama and pageantry that would ensue if Klaus and Taako met (they're in the next chapter I promise), and then I realized there are a lot of character combinations between the two universes that I wanted to explore. I'm not totally sure where this is going yet so I'm open to suggestions and constructive criticism. I hope you love this as much as I do <3

Lucretia was having a shit day.

Sure, saving the entire multiverse and becoming a hero known throughout the planar system sounds great in theory. But it’s less fun when there’s an apocalypse to clean up and you’ve volunteered to be head janitor. Of course, Lucretia didn’t regret starting the Bureau of Benevolence. She normally loved her job—it was just that the thousands of requests for aid were piling up, and she was beginning to feel overwhelmed. As it turns out, running a charity is next to impossible when everyone needs help and they all know your name.

Still, even the busiest people deserve a break. Thinking of Merle, who was no doubt relaxing on a beach somewhere, Lucretia headed to her office to rest for a moment before her next meeting. She retrieved the key to her office from within her robe and unlocked the door. Before she could open it, however, she heard a curious noise coming from inside. It sounded like a child’s voice, except that voice’s owner was swearing loudly and profusely.

Lucretia wondered for a moment if Angus had stopped by for a visit, but quickly dismissed the thought. After all, she had never heard language like that coming from sweet little Angus McDonald. But she couldn’t think of any other children that had access to the moon base, much less her office. Confused, Lucretia readied her wand and quietly opened the office door.

Inside, she saw a boy rifling through her desk drawers. For a moment, she thought it was Angus after all; he was wearing a school uniform not unlike the young detective’s fancy boy suit. But the boy at her desk looked to be a few years older than Angus, and he was still using the foulest language Lucretia had heard since the last time she spoke to Merle.

“Pardon me, young man—” Lucretia started to ask the child what he was doing in her office, but when he noticed Lucretia’s presence, he looked up at her, startled, and promptly disappeared. Lucretia was stunned for a moment, then quickly regained her composure and called Avi on her stone of far-speech.

“Avi, I just caught a boy sneaking around in my office. If you see a human child in a school uniform, do not let him leave the moon.”

Avi’s voice immediately replied through the stone, sounding relaxed as always. “No worries, Madame Director. I’ve already got him. Kid tried to run right off the side like a dog.”

Lucretia sighed. They really ought to put up a fence.

“Thank you, Avi. I’ll be right there.”

Making her way outside, Lucretia immediately spotted Avi holding the small intruder by his arm. The boy didn’t seem to have given up hope of escape, as he was trying and failing to use some sort of spell that emitted a blue light from his hands.

Lucretia approached the boy and spoke. “How did you get up here, child?”

The boy closed his eyes and took a long breath, looking as though his patience was being tested.

“I’m not a child, I’m fifty-eight years old.”

Avi seemed confused, but this information wasn’t much of a shock to Lucretia. If anyone understood what it was like for your physical body not to match your actual age, it was her.

“In that case, what should I call you?”

“I’m Five.”

Avi chimed in: “I thought you were fifty-eight?”

The boy looked like he was about to explode. “My _name_ is Five, you idiot. And I don’t have time for any of this. If I don’t find my sister soon, she could easily cause another apocalypse. And if you think we’re safe just because we’re on the moon, you’re sorely mistaken.”

Lucretia took a moment to digest this information, watching the boy squirm in a fruitless attempt at escape.

“Well,” she said haltingly, “If you’re looking to stop an apocalypse, you’ve come to the right place. I have more than enough resources to help you find your sister. But first you’ll have to explain to me exactly what is going on.”

Five narrowed his eyes.

“What’s in it for you?” he asked, suspicion palpable in his voice.

“The satisfaction of a job well done, I suppose. This _is_ the Bureau of Benevolence, after all.” Lucretia gestured to a large banner that said _Welcome to the Bureau of Balance_ , except the word ‘Balance’ had a line through it and the word ‘Benevolence’ was scrawled above it.

Five wasn’t convinced, but as he looked over the edge of the moon, he knew he didn’t have enough energy to teleport all the way to the planet below. Realizing that hearing this woman out was probably his best option, Five stopped struggling against Avi’s grasp.

“Fine,” he said after a moment’s hesitation. “Let’s talk.”

☂☂☂

“…so essentially, Vanya blew up the moon, and in order to save everyone I tried to send us all back in time. But from the looks of it, I royally fucked that up.”

“That appears to be the case, yes.” Lucretia was lost in thought for a moment. She still couldn’t be sure exactly where this ‘Five’ had come from, but if he was telling the truth, there were two possibilities. The first was that he had teleported his entire family here from another planet, one that was now in ruins. This seemed unlikely to Lucretia; the explosion of an entire planet should have been at least somewhat noticeable, assuming they had come from within the local galaxy. So that left one other, equally unlikely possibility: that Five had transported himself and his family from an entirely different dimension. Either option meant that this man-child possessed unfathomable power.

After a moment, Lucretia collected herself and spoke.

“Right. Our first priority should be to find this Vanya and stabilize her. Davenport!” Lucretia clapped her hands.

A door in the back of Lucretia’s office burst open, and through it walked an incredibly short man who looked absolutely furious.

“ _Lucretia_. You _really_ need to stop calling for me like a dog. Disrespect aside, if I wasn’t staying with you for the wedding, you would’ve looked like an idiot just now.”

Lucretia smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, Captain. Old habits die hard.”

Davenport sighed and gave Lucretia a light punch on the arm. “No hard feelings. What’s going on in here though? Who is this kid?”

“He’s quite a lot older than he appears, actually. This is Five, and we need to help him find his sister as soon as possible or she may attempt to blow up the moon.”

Five, who had opened his mouth to correct Davenport about his age, looked at Lucretia in surprise and appreciation.

“Of course. Why is it that we can’t go _one_ year without an apocalypse?” Davenport sighed, then turned toward Lucretia. “What can I do to help?”

“If you’re up for it, I need you to gather the IPRE and any former Bureau of Balance members you can find. Oh, and Lucas. As much as I hate to ask him for help, we may need his expertise.”

IPRE… Five was sure he had never heard of that before. Yet somehow he knew that it stood for Institute for Planar Research and Exploration, and that Lucretia and Davenport were both part of it.

“Should I get Carey and Killian?”

Lucretia grimaced. “Possibly. But let’s save them for last. I’d hate to interrupt their honeymoon if we don’t have to.”

Davenport nodded. “Alright. Avi, I hope you still know how to work those cannons.”

“You know it.” Avi grinned, and the two of them left the office.

Lucretia turned back toward Five. “I need you to give me descriptions of each of your siblings so I can send word to my contacts in all the major cities. After that, you should go rest. You can use the guest room.”

She gestured toward the open door from which Davenport had emerged moments earlier.

Normally Five would have protested, but at that moment he was overwhelmed by a large volume of information he didn’t quite understand. The second he entered this new dimension, he’d been slammed with a massive wall of sounds and stories. And these people he’d just met, Lucretia and Davenport, were in nearly all of them. He desperately wanted to know where this information had come from and what it all meant, but he needed time to process before asking questions.

So instead he asked, “Why do you have a guest bedroom next to your office?”

Lucretia chuckled. “It used to be my secret office, but I don’t have much need for secrets anymore. So I put a bed in there for the nights when I’m too tired to return to the dormitories.”

“Huh. Practical.”

“I always am.”

Five rose from his chair and headed toward the back room. He wasn’t thrilled about leaving someone else to do all the work while he took a nap. But on top of transporting himself and his siblings to an entirely new dimension, he also hadn’t slept in over a week and had a shrapnel wound that was still healing. Besides, for the first time in a very long time, he felt like he was working with someone who wasn’t a complete idiot.

Not counting Dolores, of course.


	2. Four Idiots, The Grim Reaper, and A Lot of Dogs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and his many dogs make a new friend. Meanwhile, Taako's quiet lunch is interrupted by the arrival of a very strange man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two scenes were both on the short side so I put them in the same chapter. We'll be hearing from Merle next time :)

Magnus was having a shit day.

As much fun as it usually was to be surrounded by dogs, his career path came with a unique set of heartaches. Yesterday, one of his favorite dogs had been adopted by a lovely family from Neverwinter who wanted an animal companion for their young daughter. Josie was a beautiful, even-tempered greyhound who immediately took a liking to the girl. Magnus knew right away that she was a perfect fit, and that this family would give her a happy life. But it was still hard to say goodbye sometimes.

He had tried to cheer himself up this morning by taking a group of puppies out to play in the woods, but it backfired. The runt of his newest litter, a tiny brown pit bull named Gerblin, got himself into a fight with a poisonous snake and lost. So, on this rainy afternoon, Magnus found himself with the grim task of digging a puppy grave.

It was times like this that made Magnus miss Julia more than ever.

As he laid the puppy’s tiny body in the grave, he felt tears forming in his eyes.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you, little buddy.”

Magnus finished filling in the hole and wiped the tears from his face. This evening, he would carve a special grave marker for Gerblin out of his finest wood, but right now he just wanted to rest.

However, before he could go inside, Magnus heard a commotion coming from the dog barn. When Magnus first opened the Hammer and Tails, he had kept the dogs in a traditional kennel. But keeping animals in cages like that didn’t sit right with him, so he built the dog barn instead. Each dog had its own personal bed, and there were toys tossed about all over the place. There was even a doggie door that lead to a small gated lawn, so the pups could go outside to do their business or just to bask in the sun.

At that moment, it sounded like all the dogs were losing their goddamn minds over something. Magnus went over to the barn to investigate.

Remembering Carrie’s stealth training, Magnus did _not_ rush in. Instead, he opened the door slowly and peeked inside. There he saw all of his dogs crowded around an enormous figure in a tight-fitting coat. He looked like a human, but he was closer to the size of a half-orc. Magnus was lucky to have the element of surprise.

SNEAK ATTACK! While the man’s back was turned, Magnus leapt through the door and launched himself toward the man’s impossibly broad shoulders and attempted to wrap his arms around his neck in a chokehold. But instead, Magnus found himself being flipped over those glorious shoulders. He came crashing down onto a small but sturdy table that he had made for the dogs (he had been running out of woodworking projects), and it collapsed under the weight of the impact.

Magnus lay dazed for a moment, staring at the barn ceiling. He was quickly swarmed by concerned dogs, who performed their best first aid: licking Magnus’s face all over. The man peered down at him; he still had his guard up, but there was a look of genuine concern on his face.

Magnus rubbed his head. “How did you avoid my sneak attack?”

“You sort of gave yourself away when you yelled ‘sneak attack’ right before you came in.”

“Ah shit. I thought I kept that in my head.” Magnus tried to prop himself up on his elbows, but he was overwhelmed by the crowd of dogs. Seeing his difficulty, the man dropped his guard and offered Magnus a hand to help him up. Magnus accepted it and pulled himself to his feet.

The man rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry about your table,” he said sheepishly.

“Oh, that? No worries, I’ll just make another one. Gives me a chance to flex my carpentry skills. But uh, if you don’t mind me asking, who are you? And why are you in my dog barn?”

“Oh right, sorry. I’m Luther. I’m not really sure how I got here, my brother was trying to take me and my siblings back in time to avoid the apocalypse, and then all of a sudden I was here.”

Magnus shook his head. “Wait, apocalypse? What—”

But before Magnus could ask for more details, Luther realized that his siblings weren’t with him and started looking around frantically.

“Five? Allison?”

Luther waded through the sea of dogs and poked his head out of the barn door.

“ _Allison?_ ”

Magnus, sensing a dog breakout waiting to happen, shepherded Luther outside and closed the door. Luther was beginning to panic, so Magnus grabbed him by the arms and looked into his face.

“Hey. Shh. Look at me. Look—no, Luther, look at me. Look at my face. Good. Now, I don’t really know what’s going on, and I don’t know where your family is, but—hey, look at me. We’re going to find them. You hear me? I’m not going to rest until we find them. I just need to ask the woman down the street to feed my dogs while I’m gone, and then we’ll be on our way.”

Luther took a deep breath, regaining a bit of his composure. “Okay. But… why are you helping me? You don’t even know who I am.”

Magnus smiled. “Because I’m Magnus Burnsides, and helping people is what I do.”

☂☂☂

Taako was having a shit day.

Not the worst day he’d ever had. _Definitely_ not the worst. Probably not even in the top 100, since being on the run from a giant world-eating monster had made for some truly horrible days. But it was probably the worst day he’d had since killing said monster and restoring peace to the multiverse.

It was orientation day for new students at Taako’s Amazing School of Magic, and while he loved giving inspiring speeches to fresh minds about the power of magic, he wasn’t as keen about interacting with them individually. It seemed like every goddamn one of them had a question about his adventures with the IPRE; none of them ever asked about magic or his hit cooking show. On top of that, the intermediate students were learning to cast Fireball. Taako had already put out six fires that got out of hand, and the day was only half over. But the real cherry on top of this shit sundae was the human who had just fallen from the sky and crushed his herb garden.

Taako had been eating lunch when the man appeared—a sandwich on homemade ciabatta with fresh tomato and avocado, slow roasted chicken, and sharp white cheddar. Just because it was a packed lunch didn’t mean it had to be _boring_. Anyway, the headmaster’s office was connected to a small private courtyard that Taako used to do his gardening. With Magnus’s help, he had added a charming little gazebo with a table and chairs, so he had a nice spot to relax. He tended to come here when he needed a moment alone.

Obviously, he was not going to get that today.

As annoying as it was to have his quiet time interrupted, Taako had to wonder exactly what had brought this man here. The cloud of blue light he had fallen out of didn’t look like any magic he was familiar with. And Taako had studied a _lot_ of magic over the years.

While Taako was lost in thought, the man sat up and began talking to himself.

“…don’t know where they went, did you see any of them? ……Yes, I know, but where would I even start looking? For all I know, they could be dead …… I mean, yeah, usually I would know, but I don’t even know where we _are_ —”

“Oh, that one I can help you with,” Taako said, surprising the man and causing him to jump. “You’re in my private garden.”

“Ah.” The man looked around, taking stock of his surroundings for the first time. “You got anything growing here that we could start a party with? Ack—”

The man flinched forward and yelped in pain, almost as if an unseen force had just smacked him upside the head. He turned toward the empty air beside him and mumbled, “You bitch, I was just joking…”

Ignoring the aside, Taako answered, “The only party you could have with these is a dinner party. And you don’t look like you get invited to many of those.”

“Ouch. And I thought I looked pretty today.” The man sighed dramatically.

Taako rolled his eyes. “The pants aren’t bad—” he gestured toward the man’s side-laced leather pants “—but the clown shoes aren’t doing your outfit any favors.”

The man looked down at the pair of bowling shoes on his feet. “Huh. Forgot I was still wearing those… Aw, thank you, I bet they’d look great on you too—”

Confused and frustrated, Taako drew his wand. “Who are you talking to?”

“Oh, just my brother’s ghost.”

Taako narrowed his eyes. “If there was a ghost here, I would know. Try again.”

“Hey, believe it or not, I’m actually telling the truth for once. My brother died in a horrible accident and now he follows me around everywhere. It gets to be annoying sometimes, he’s a bit of a nag—”

“Listen,” Taako said, his patience wearing thin, “you’ve got about thirty seconds to tell me how the _hell_ you got in here, or I’ll blast your ass to the other side of campus.”

“Well that actually sounds like a pretty good time—” Seeing the look on Taako’s face, the man cut himself short.

“Right, not a good time for jokes. Okay, well, first of all, hi, I’m Klaus.” He tried to stand, crushing a sprig of lavender in the process. Concerned for his herbs, Taako cast Levitate and pulled him out of the garden area, then dropped him unceremoniously to the ground once more.

“Well gosh, that wasn’t very nice. First you’re rude to my brother and now you’re floating me all over the place—”

“Enough, I’m tired of this.”

Taako raised his wand and cast magic missile, hoping to shut this guy up until he could figure out what was going on. But, to his surprise, a ghostly blue form appeared in front of the intruder. Then, to his further surprise, large tentacles sprouted from the ghost’s stomach and slashed at the magic missiles, dispersing them.

“See? Ghost brother.” He and the spectral figure high fived.

Taako would’ve been thoroughly impressed with this display if he didn’t know what was about to happen next.

Despite the sky having been clear moments before, storm clouds began to swirl above them. Thunder and lightning followed, and the wind started to blow as if a tornado were approaching. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning struck right next to Taako. Klaus jumped back three feet and landed back on his ass in the herb garden, but Taako seemed unaffected and simply said, “Hello, darling.”

Next to Taako, in the space where the lightning had just been, stood an intimidating man wearing a long black robe over a luxurious suit.

“Right,” said Kravitz, glaring at Klaus. “What’s all this then?”


	3. The Gang's All Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merle makes a new friend in Bottlenose Cove. Angus's life is saved by a mysterious stranger. Carey's and Killian's honeymoon is interrupted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me a while to figure out where I wanted Diego, Allison, and Vanya to land, but I'm really excited about where they each ended up!

Merle was having a great day.

Since he’d been appointed Earl of Bottlenose Cove, he had been making arrangements to establish a base of operations for Merle’s Extreme Teen Adventures in town. As it turned out, it was a great location for all sorts of outdoor activities. The ocean was great for swimming, of course, and the beach was an excellent place to scavenge for crafting materials. Plus, the waves had created a series of cliffs and caverns that allowed for rock climbing and spelunking. There was even a forested area nearby for hiking excursions and, for the older kids, the occasional monster hunting adventure. Merle really had it made in the Cove.

But today, he was taking a day off from Extreme Teen Adventures. He had arranged to take Mavis and Mookie on a surprise trip to the coolest spot in Bottlenose Cove. And when Merle said surprise, he meant it: he had blindfolded the kids and was pulling them along by their hands. Not that the blindfolds were at all effective; Mavis had arranged hers so she could see through a hole in the cloth, and Mookie kept taking his off to search the ground for rocks and bugs. But Merle didn’t notice. He was just having a good time.

After a few minutes of walking his kids in circles, Merle stopped in front of a large open-air restaurant and shouted, “TA-DA!”

Mavis and Mookie removed their blindfolds to find themselves standing in front of the one and only Chesney’s I Love This Bar And Grill.

Merle proudly rested his hands on his hips. “It’s finally opening day! I figured you guys would want to check it out, since you watched it get built and all.”

It did look like a pretty nice restaurant; Lord Sterling hadn’t cut any corners in building it. He had also done a nice job of capturing the breezy beach vibe that Merle had been hoping for.

“Can we sit at the bar??” asked Mookie excitedly.

Merle chuckled. “Sure, buddy. Why don’t you pick seats for us?”

Merle and Mavis followed Mookie inside. Merle helped the kids up onto the bar stools, each of which was decorated with flowers and a grass skirt.

As the server came over to take their orders, Merle noticed a human in strange clothes walking around in front of the restaurant. She looked bewildered, and Merle was pretty sure he had never seen her in town before. Curious, Merle turned back toward the server.

“Hey, have you ever seen that lady around town?” he asked.

The server squinted their eyes, trying to get a good look at the woman. “I’ve never seen her before. She looks pretty freaked out though, do you think she’s okay?”

“I’m gonna go ask.” Merle hopped down off his stool and approached the stranger.

“Hail and well met!” Merle waved at the woman, startling her slightly. As she turned toward him, Merle noticed a large bandage across the front of her neck. She looked surprised to see him approaching, but she did wave back politely.

“I haven’t seen you around before. Where are you from?”

The woman opened her mouth to answer, but then closed it again. She brushed her fingertips across the bandage on her throat and made an annoyed face.

“Are you hurt?”

The woman nodded.

“I could take a look at it, if you want. Not to brag, but—” Merle put his hands on his hips and straightened his posture “—I’m a pretty accomplished healer.”

The woman looked skeptical, but she sat at an empty table and removed her bandage. As Merle extended his arm, she flinched backward; Merle realized she had probably never seen anyone with a tree arm before.

“Oh, don’t worry about this old thing. Lost my real arm saving the world, so I got this cool replacement from Pan. I’m Merle Highchurch, by the way, I’m sure you’ve heard of me.”

It seemed like she recognized the name, even if she didn’t know why. But it was enough to allow her to relax as Merle rested his wooden palm on her shoulder. A faint light enveloped the two of them for a moment, and then faded. As Merle removed his hand, he could see that the gash on her throat had mended itself considerably.

“There. Now, can you tell me your name?”

“Allison,” the woman said weakly. She looked surprised, as if she hadn’t been expecting to hear her own voice.

“Lovely to meet you, Allison. Why don’t you join me and my kids for dinner?”

And Allison couldn’t remember the last time she’d eaten, so she agreed.

☂☂☂

Angus McDonald: Boy Detective was investigating a mystery.

At exactly 11:43 that morning, a strange blue cloud had appeared above the outskirts of Neverwinter. Angus himself hadn’t seen it, but multiple eyewitnesses had reported its appearance to local authorities. News of the strange event travelled quickly, and by the afternoon had reached the ears of Lord Artemis Sterling. Fearing some sort of attack or infiltration, Lord Sterling promptly reached out to the World’s Greatest Detective and asked him to shed some light on the situation. And that was how the young boy had ended up walking around at night in one of Neverwinter’s less-than-friendly neighborhoods.

Not that Angus was worried. He knew how to handle himself if he ran into any trouble. Armed with his miniature crossbow, his wand, and his incredible powers of deduction, Angus was prepared for almost any situation. Angus checked his map and turned a corner to enter the alley above which the mysterious cloud had appeared.

At first glance, it didn’t seem as though anything out of the ordinary had happened here. It looked like every alley in Neverwinter; a few pieces of trash strewn about, a stray cat or two sneaking around, but no remnants of what had happened there just this morning. A few witnessed had said they saw something large fall out of the cloud, but Angus didn’t see anything to indicate that was true. There were certainly no large objects in the alley, nor was the pavement disturbed from the force of an impact. No sign of any magic having been used either.

Angus was beginning to get excited; this had the makings of a great mystery. He left the alley, resolving to come back in the morning to collect eyewitness accounts and see if the daylight revealed anything new. But as he turned around, he was spotted by a large half-orc who was leaving a nearby tavern.

“Oi,” said the half-orc, “Whassa cute lil’ baby doin’ here at this hour?” He was clearly drunk, slurring his words and falling over himself trying to get closer to Angus.

Angus straightened his posture, as he always did when speaking to an adult.

“Good evening, sir. I’m a detective investigating a strange event that occurred in this alley this morning. If you don’t mind me asking, have you seen any—” Agnus was cut off by the half-orc’s raucous laughter.

“Detective, eh? You tellin’ me Neverwinter’s got kids on the force now? Mus’ be gettin’ mighty desperate.”

“Actually, sir, people call me the World’s Greatest Detective. I may be small, but I’ve solved countless mysteries!”

The half-orc laughed again. “Mysteries indeed. Funny kid, this one—”

He stopped and narrowed his eyes, taking a few clumsy steps toward Angus.

“Wait a flippin’ minute. Y’er that little shit that got my brother in all that trouble last month.” And as the half-orc said this, Angus remembered: a few weeks ago, he’d assisted in the arrest of a half-orc that had looked very similar to the one standing before him now.

“Well sir, I do remember your brother, but you must know something had to be done about him. He was a serial lollipop thief—your brother went all over town stealing candy from babies.”

“My little brother never stole nothin’ and you know it!”

Angus could see that politeness and logic would get him nowhere in this situation, and the half-orc was looking ready for a fight. So Angus drew his crossbow.

“Sir, I don’t mean any harm, but I’m just a boy and you’re starting to scare me. Would you mind letting me by so I can go home?”

The drunken half-orc laughed and said, “What are ya gonna do with that sorry little toy?” He smacked the crossbow out of Angus’s hand and picked it up to inspect it.

“Guess ya gotta have wee little fingers to fire this off!” The half-orc laughed again as he tried, unsuccessfully, to fit his finger around the trigger. Apparently unaware of the dangers of playing with weapons, he tried once again to jam his finger in, this time managing to accidentally fire a bolt. Which was now headed directly toward Angus’s sweet little face.

“Oh, shi—”

Before the drunk could finish his expletive, the bolt buried itself in the wall to Angus’s left.

Wait, what?

Angus had seen the bolt headed directly toward him, so how was it that its shaft was now stuck perpendicular between a pair of bricks? Before Angus could process this, a shiny object whizzed past his ear, made a sharp left in midair, and grazed the half-orc’s arm. The pain caused the drunk to drop the crossbow, and he scampered away before he could be attacked further.

Then, Angus felt a hand on his shoulder.

“You okay little buddy? Did he hurt you?”

Angus looked up to see a man in all black, sporting a long scar on the side of his head.

“Yes sir,” said Angus. “Thank you for helping me. If you don’t mind me asking, who are you?”

The man walked over and retrieved the object he had thrown at the half-orc—a knife, Angus could see now. Then he turned around and smiled at the boy.

“My name’s Diego. And don’t mention it, little buddy. Helping people is what I do.”

And before Angus could ask anything else, Diego disappeared into the night.

☂☂☂

Carey and Killian were having a lovely honeymoon.

The wedding had been beautiful, but also very stressful. After the whirlwind of planning and socializing, both of them had wanted to get as far away from other people as they could. So, they planned a retreat into the depths of the Felicity Wilds. A bit of a dangerous vacation, to be sure, but both of them were well-equipped to defend themselves from anything they might come across. Besides, they had told Lucretia exactly where they would be, and she was ready to send help in case of an emergency.

They were doing well for themselves so far, though. Carey was great at finding wild berries and vegetables, and Killian had caught a few fish; at the very least, they weren’t going hungry. They had also found the perfect place to set up camp: a small clearing full of wildflowers. None of the wildlife had bothered them either. Carey was glad they hadn’t run into any trouble, but Killian was secretly itching to do some monster hunting.

But right then, they both had one thing on their mind: dinner. Killian was tending to the fire while Carey fried up some trout with a few spring onions she had found.

“Wish Taako could see me right now,” Carey mused. “He wouldn’t be able to handle how well I’m cooking these fish.”

Killian laughed. “If Taako were here right now, you’d be getting a lecture on everything you’re doing wrong.”

“Oh, you’re right. He’d say, ‘Carey, to make a _perfect_ trout you _need_ to add _nutmeg_ and _coriander_.’” Carey imitated Taako in a high falsetto. She wasn’t sure what nutmeg and coriander were for, but they sounded fancy.

Killian joined in, “’ _Careful,_ dear, you haven’t added enough _oil_ to the _pan_. The _fish_ is going to _stick_.’”

The pair shared a laugh as Carey made plates for them both. “Well, I hope it’s up to your standards, at least.”

Killian took a bite. “Mm. Absolutely perfect, babe.”

The two chatted over dinner, then washed their dishes and laid down next to each other to watch the stars appear in the sky. The sunset was gorgeous, and they both felt a sense of peace in that moment…

…Which was unfortunately interrupted by a rustling in the brush nearby. Carey and Killian locked eyes and nodded, silently agreeing to assume defensive positions. Killian grabbed her crossbow and aimed it toward the source of the noise, while Carey disappeared into the trees and prepared for a sneak attack. They held their breath, waiting for some sort of monster to emerge from the forest.

Neither of them expected a human woman to walk out into the clearing.

The woman looked terrified, and only grew more so when she saw the crossbow in Killian’s hands. Realizing that this woman wasn’t a threat, Killian lowered her weapon.

“Whoa, hey, didn’t mean to scare you. What are you doing all the way out here?”

“I… I don’t know…” The woman still looked frightened; she was shaking like a leaf.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Killian set down her crossbow and held out her hands as if to say, _look, I’m not going to hurt you._ Carey also emerged from the shadows and laid down her weapons.

“We’re just camping out here,” Carey explained in a soothing voice. “If you’re hungry, I could fry up another fish for you.”

The woman considered this for a moment, and then nodded. Killian put an arm around her and led her closer to the fire pit. While Carey prepared to cook again, Killian asked a few questions.

“Who are you?”

“I’m, uh, Vanya. Vanya Hargreeves.”

“Well it’s good to meet you, Vanya. I’m Killian, and over there is my wife, Carey.” Killian still wasn’t entirely used to using the word wife, and she blushed slightly.

“So, Vanya, where did you come from?”

Vanya shook her head. “I… I’m not exactly sure. I can’t really remember anything. I fell from somewhere and landed in this forest, and I’ve just been walking since then.”

“You don’t remember anything at all?”

“I remember some kind of story about these adventurers saving the universe in a spaceship… But I don’t think that has anything to do with me.”

Killian nodded. “Yeah, that’s the void fish’s song. It’s a little hard to explain, but that story is about some friends of ours. It was broadcast into everyone’s minds on the day they stopped the apocalypse.”

“An apocalypse… That sounds familiar, somehow.” Vanya was staring at her hands, as if trying to summon her memories.

“Well, hey, don’t worry. If you remember the Day of Story and Song, I bet the rest of your memories will come back soon.”

“And in the meantime, we’ll take care of you,” Cary added, handing Vanya a plate of fish.

“Thank you.” Vanya accepted the fish and took a bite. She wasn’t sure why she trusted these women so easily, but something about them just made her feel… safe.

And for the time being, she was.


End file.
